Tag Archives: happiness

Just a name

I first noticed him sitting across me when everyone was laughing at something stupid I’d said. He smiled at me as I took another swig from the vodka in my glass. People around me were laughing, drinking, enjoying, living. I looked at the sea, a vast expanse of black liquid under the night sky in Goa & felt a wave of nostalgia mixed with salt hit me. My eyes shifted back to the sound of laughter and slowly rested on him. & I find his gaze still fixed on me, just the way i’d left it some time back. I think it’s weird and look away. I discuss my two storey college with someone sitting next to me and we laugh. I am 5 shots and 2 glasses down by this point . We laugh with pure, genuine laugh because people around me teased me and the guy who shares two floor college that we were “bonding over two floor colleges”. It was funny.
I let my eyes wander back to him again. & there’s something about him that immediately strikes. I don’t know what it is. But something holds me from looking away. Maybe it’s the flicker the candle light reflected in his eye. Or the golden glow that made him look that way, or maybe it was just the alcohol. I speak. For the first time. Casual.
“What committee are you in?”
“Oh I’m not! I study at BITS. You?”
“Oh I see! I study at Symbi”
That’s all. Normal. Very minimalistic. I excuse myself & make my way back to the shack to get a refill. I get a refill. And as I turn around, I bump into him and we laugh. He’d just had a beer. And I was 150ml vodka down. It was funny.
“I think you might wanna have some lime with that”.
“Pffft! No way”
Uncanny as it was, we walk back to the table where all the others were seated & this time, he sits beside me. Weird. I think.
We laugh, join the lame conversations, indulge in epiphanies and prose, talk about random things. He scoffs at times, but never laughs. He leans over once and whispers “Lame” into my ear.
I get a little bizarre. “Oh it’s lame cause you’re not spirited enough my friend” I shout, breaking into a laughter as the others.
He looks at me and points to my ailing friend and says “She doesn’t look well”. Sure enough, she starts throwing up. I help her and so does he. Gives her water and some lime. He pulls the rubber band out of my hair and tie hers. Or was it me who tied her hair? I don’t remember. But we sit and give her water. & lemon. Lots of lemon. I get up and head back to the shack on the pretext of getting her some water but am intercepted by someone I know who offers to buy me a tequila shot. I’m two shots down when someone else comes over and we run off to click pictures in the sea. I remember laughing & a lot of laughing. No words. And water and flashlights. I remember my sick friend and rush back. He gets a little pissed because I took that long but by that time, pros have taken over. They try to get her to puke as much as she could so she could regain her senses. And we sit beside each other. And we laugh because it’s funny and because it’s Goa and it’s beautiful. I remember talking to him but don’t know what we spoke about. Words. Touches. Laughter. Sea breeze. Communications & feelings.
We stay together. For the rest of the evening. He beside me. For the rest of the evening. The evening and the similar profound love for the sea deepens the newly formed relationship. I walk by the sea. By his side.
As the evening progresses, I only remember laughter. That’s the only recallable memory that persists now. Laughter. People. Noise. Laughter. Confessions and even more laughter.
The next morning, people ask me the same question. Everywhere And I don’t know the answer. I don’t know what to say. They ask me who you were. I just have a name. And I say I don’t remember. Because I don’t. And neither do I remember this incident. Only phases. Bits and pieces. Collage. Mosaics. Sand. Alcohol. And laughter. Lots of it.
I don’t know who you are, or where you are or why you were there. All I know is, I had some beautiful moments. Beautiful, happy moments. And you were there in them. I don’t know what those moments were and who you are, all I know is that those moments were happy. That touch was happy. The sound of your voice my memory has not registered. Neither your face. Only those dancing eyes and the golden glow. And you whispering something. I remember beautiful, happy moments. And you were there in them. I don’t know you. I just have a name. Just beautiful and happy.

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