Tag Archives: books

FUCK.

This sucks. I’ve been using too many sad smileys, doing too much shit, thinking more than I do & realizing at the end of the day how fucked up I am. Mind you it isn’t a good feeling. All I can think of is how a little while back, we were best of friends, sharing each laughter & tear together. “From cradle to the grave”, how that smile could dilute everything around me. It’s sucks even more when you don’t get the chance to say what you want to when it boils down to your last goodbye. You just drive your car away & look ahead cause you know looking back can be cataclysmic. You sit there days later & imagine that place a million times in your head, imagine that touch that could send electric sparks jizzing at the rate of a million light years all over your skin, the fights that brought you closer. It sucks when you can recall every fucking detail so minutely, almost as if it’s just happened. Those are the moments that you hold on to. Those moments later become your life. & when you realize that somewhere down the line, regret becomes your new forté & it ends in tears again eventually. Just like this one will.
Oh & to top it off is the, “You’re worthless/failure/looser. You fucked it up for us. You aren’t capable of anything. We don’t want to look at you” shit that I get everyfuckingday. & HAHAHAHAHA. No really it’s funny how they think I’m a retard & that I don’t seem to get what they’re saying which is plausibly why they keep repeating it every day. YES I GET IT! YOU DON’T NEED ME! I FUCKED IT UP FOR YOU! I FUCKING GET IT OKAY? Next time, I’m gonna tell them to write it down on a paper & paste it all over my room.
Fuck you universe, fuck you life, fuck you everyone!!!!
I haven’t been blogging at all. It’s fucked up cause I sit to write something out & then I loose my way in the middle, start digressing & talking shit that absolutely does not make sense to me. & they just stay incomplete. I haven’t read a single fucking book since 10th grade thanks to all the chemistry & shit I had to do so I also feel so deprived & weird cause it’s been too long & the day I loose my gift of the gab isn’t far away. I hate what I write, the way I write, the shit I write. It’s senseless. Just like this one. I feel like throwing in a swear every fucking line.
Fuck. I’m also filled with self loathing & hatred for general public too. I hate happy people..& they can bloody well count their last days off their fingertips if they cross me. It makes me feel even more wretched when I see genuinely happy people or people celebrating. Probably when I’m 25 I’ll look back at this & be like “WOW that was me” & probably feel happy about it then.. But yeah fuck you. Why are you even reading this.
Ahh & I feel like a retarded emo fucktard again.

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