I don’t know why I’ve been blogging excessively and uselessly. I mean drunk posts??? ME??? Since when?? Boy, Oh boy. But at the risk of idiosyncrasy, I atleast don’t have to face the embarrassment of waking up the next day to find out that I’d completely made a fool out of myself (by posing questions like “DO YOU THINK TRAINS ARE NICE? I MEAN I LOVE TRAINS MAN.”..Or ‘I like so and so (-.- I shall kill those who think it’s about HIM; You-Know-Who :P )
Or for that matter asking a friend if he was a virgin. *ahem* (I’m sorry okay???) Because then they just endlessly make fun of you (and some even draw CARTOONS based on the happenings of previous nights & attach it to your b’day card -.- Also, make ppts & replay the scene that happened the morning AFTER the drunk night for the rest of your freaking college years.)
So I guess blogging is pretty harmless that way (And specially from the awesome iPhone that auto corrects the spelling errors!)
April was ONE FUCKING WEIRD month. I still don’t understand what happened and how it happened. It got over really fast. Time was almost in continuum; Lavale trip, the rains, a new friend :), sorting every shit out with the ever stupid lame best friend (YES PINGY YOU :P YOU ARE STUPID AND LAME), breaking down on 19th (I don’t understand this. Why did I cry that night? *Croaky voice* PPPPMMMMSSSSSSS), fighting and sorting things out (THAT WAS THE FIRST FUCKING CONFRONTATION AFTER AGEEES :D And it actually felt nice talking stuff out. I’m so easy around her now :)), new friends, different nights. April was one weird fucking month. So much changed and so much happened.
And chapter turns to May 2012. Internships. Pfft. More than that; HOMEEE :D It feels good to be home, yes; but I don’t know man..For some reason, I really miss hostel. Maybe because I get to wake up at 4pm on Sundays, or play music loudly, or eat/not eat when I don’t want to. I miss being busy. IT FRUSTRATES ME when I have nothing to do. I hate sitting idle.
But one good thing that came out of this idleness is that I finally lay my hands on ALL the books I’ve been meaning to read ever since 12th but couldn’t due to time constraint. So I am reading Ayn Rand: Atlas Shrugged. And Anatomy of a disappearance by Hisham Matar (Which BTW is fucking beautiful) I plan to read more. Also, explore economics since I’ll be taking that up next semester in-depth.
Besides reading, sleeping, wasting time, talking to people and whiling away precious time, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Reflecting about the past, the people who belong there and should be left behind in the past itself, the things I’ve done and the person I’ve become as a result of that. I hate this person I’ve become. Too egoistic for my own good.
But the barrel has to roll, does it not? (Whatever that meant?)
So I’ve been talking to this person A LOT (excessively. Severely. Obsessively). I like it. But I’m scared. Of talking. Of opening up. Trusting. Ah those are just my inhibitions, yes, but they’ve helped me avoid getting hurt in the past. And I might be completely wrong (as in any other case) about getting hurt again; which leads me to raise my guards and defenses to an all time high but which prevents ME from getting hurt. Once was enough. I think I’m a little to young yet to resort to all kind of weird shit (like excessive drugs and alcohol and sad, weird, fucked up music and emo clothing *Shudders*) and hurt worse than what I did last year. So maaaaybe I will steer clear of any sort of assumptions and pull out gracefully when I think I cannot take it anymore. Of course I will make that very clear. And i hope universe does not fuck this one up this time.
I MEAN IT UNIVERSE, YOU BITCH! :@
But I also think I should concentrate on my career more than any other human relation since this is a pivotal point in my life. NO mistake committed from this point onwards is frugal or pardonable.
See what I mean when I say I have been doing a lot of thinking? I’ve learnt that becoming selfish to the point one is actually deemed nihilistic is actually beneficial? Or conducive rather, to development of an individual’s career wise.
But fuck that.
Lameness. Oh profoundddddddddd callousness. Profanity at its best.
I’m a perfect picture example of uselessness. Oh college, how I miss thee. How I miss thy assignments.
Okay. The mother calls (And sounds angry). Pray I live!