Funny how everything is so not fucked up when you’re tipsy. Tipsy makes me angry. Sloshed makes me forget.
Life’s been so fucking off track last 72 hours or so. No seriously, I don’t seem to understand people. Or perhaps I don’t really give a fuck about the new formed relations in my life. I’d go with the second one. Yeah admitted that I genuinely care about my clique but you only let someone so far in before they begin to fuck your life up. The worst people can do to you is expect reciprocation of feelings from you? No. It’s when they dictate your fucking actions because of their insecurities. & I made the mistake of letting them ordain my decisions. I made the mistake by caring too much & did something to appease them & what did I get when I took a step to sort shit out?
A fucking status on bbm implicating that I was a fucking waste of time & that I didn’t care.
No seriously man, say it to my face. AND Don’t give me that pussied up attitude or that fucking “whatever”. I hate “whatevers”. Hardly takes time to throw anyone down to a “whatever”.
You’re the new “whatever”.
& no I don’t give a fuck about hurting anyone’s feelings now man. I’m done giving shit about people. I’m done answering questions or giving explanations. Anyone who has issues with me is free to fuck off.
Against the better judgement of all my close friends, I went ahead & started giving a fuck about someone who I didn’t even know. Someone who’s filled to the brim with self-pity.
What I got in the end, let’s not even go there.
No I’m not angry at anyone. I’m angry at me. I was a fucking retard to actually think that things might change, that I might be able to rekindle the hope I’d lost in people, that I’d finally found someone I could pour my heart out to. I am angry at me cause against the past experiences, I made the same fucking mistake I’d made about a year ago-caring excessively about someone. Except that I don’t regret the last year
My clique basically ennumerates chilled out people. Best friends we all are, only difference being that it does not consist exasperation of love & care with those fucking irritating “I love yous” & “I’ll always be there for you”. Best friends in our own ways. Ample space. No shit..
Bad news: I’m onto 2 packets of cancer sticks. Which isn’t a good thing. Ah but fuck it. I don’t care. Also, I suddenly have an urge to bite people =\ Atleast right now. Off to Pune tomorrow =D (Why? Shall blogpost this in a bit)
I’ve learnt the lesson by rote this year though-
Stick to the cliché : “don’t give a fuck”.
& no I don’t care how anyone feels.
Damn I need me some Spirit.
★Currently hooked on to: On the road by Jack Kerouac. Amazing book I must say.
★Track on replay: Jet Lag by Simple Play Ft. Natasha Bedingfield (I soo miss…someone)