Realm of life

As I write this, I talk to a friend who’s apparently at a bar, drinking away to glory (and adding a milestone for the alcohol companies in the long run by spending it all on liquor).
“I feel lonely” he says. I scoffed. Is he crazy?
At this moment, there are exactly : 6,775,235,741 people in this world. 1,155,347,678 people in India.
11,914,398 people in Mumbai.
And ostensibly 200 people at the bar he’s at.
And he says he’s lonely?
I scoff again. Is he crazy?

I tried to recall the time *I* was ever so lonely in life. I found a stray memory and suppressed it almost immediately.
And then I started digressing.

WHY do you feel lonely in a room full of people? There are about 6billion people in this world. WHY do you feel alone amidst so many people? What instills this loneliness? Is it because someone you loved, left? Or because NO ONE seems to understand what you’re feeling?
Why do people leave? Why do they come to our lives if all they have to do at the end is *leave*? Why do people turn their backs when you need them? When we have friends and families, why do we still pay a counselor to hear us out? Why is alcohol the favorite resort to get out of the melancholic life? Why does a song hurt?
Why do we feel lonely in a room full of people?..
I guess in a lot of ways, humans resemble the deep seas. We hide inside us our fears and insecurities like the sea hides the wrecked ships and carcass of the dead, expecting someone to dig it out and give it a fine burial forever. We always expect people to help us. Help us with a job. Help us feel better. Help give us courage. Like the sea, we do not let go of the past. We keep it buried within us and form another sea bed over the past. And once in a while, like the waves bring up a little old sand, we reflect back on the past and suddenly everything comes back crashing. The sadness. The emotions. The hurt. The loneliness. We look for a place, a person, a thing to hold on to. Like the sea, we create a turmoil within us to keep us distracted from the hurt. We loose hope and with it, our way, little knowing that amidst the carcass and ship wrecks lie the precious pearls in oysters. We don’t see the light of hope that lies within the very being of us.

Every night, when I go to bed, I never think about my day. I think about the next day. I plan little things to do the next day. I don’t think about the day because I don’t like reliving the “bad” memories of the day. In a way I run away from unpleasant things and gain pleasure from things that appeal to me.
Everyone does that!
Why do we do that?
Because no one wants to face reality. Notice how “bad/uneventful” is a synonym to “Nightmares”. After a good day, no one goes like “Dude today was a dream” as opposed to a bad day where people go like “Today was a nightmare”. Note how we connect bad things to “nightmares”.
Nightmares mean “bad dreams”. So we take the easy way out and denote bad things to be a “dream”, which is opposite to “reality”.
And here we run the marathon once again. We run away from things that we don’t like, viewing them as dreams/nightmares, finding comfort in the same.
So before I sleep, the last thing on my mind shouldn’t be the bad things that happened to me. It’s almost like a rhetort now.
Observe this- When we have bad days, we always blame someone. We blame God. “Why God? Why do we have to endure these bad days?”. The irony being that we never blame God for the good days. We take the credits. “Oh I strived so hard for this”.
Paraphrasing my previous sentence “Why God? Why do we have to endure these good days”. It doesn’t make sense right?
So I infer that we tend to always blame someone for every small thing that sucks.
We blame our cell phones for not waking us on time.
We blame the traffic for delaying us to work.
We blame the Government of ineffiency, our parents for not giving us what we needed, our friends for not being there.
We blame our exes for our loneliness.
And we wonder why we feel so lonely in a room full of people.
What if we took the blame for everything? What would be the worst case scenario?
What if the next time I fail at a task, I say “That was my fault”. The minute one accepts his fault, the world weaves around threads of possibilities and creates room for improvement.
So the next time I’m lonely, I’m gonna say “I’m lonely because of me! I wanna be lonely. No wait, that’s stupid right! Hell I DON’T wanna be lonely”.

How many times have they said that the world is a cruel place? It’s cliche. It will be passed on to generations. Ours is a generation that will break it’s heart looking for love. Ours is a generation that’s always rushing. They say that every human is linked to the other for humanity sake.
If so, then why didn’t anyone stop by for this friend of mine and ask him why’s he’s low? Why did people break his trust over time?
I’m not forming “judgments” about anyone here. All I wanna ask is WHERE IS THAT HUMANITY? Is it just to make the paper look good?
Why do people leave a void when they go away? Why do we miss them so much that it begins to hurt? Why do we loose the thing we value the most in life? Why does that job we were so sure of getting slip into someone else’s hand?
I guess that is why people don’t bother. They’ve had their hearts broken before. And they know that if they emotionally connect to someone again, they’re just going to end up getting hurt again. It isn’t that no one bothers. It is that no one *wants* to bother because then it opens a room for conversation and you know what happens then. So in a way, we’re all in our cocoons, protected from the world outside, healing and evolving inside.
No one bothers, so no one hurts. It isn’t being “selfish” or “self-centred”. No. It’s about ending the realm of possibilities to hurt again.
And that’s why we’re always lonely, all by ourselves, even in a room full of people.

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9 thoughts on “Realm of life

  1. Bkss says:

    Well, firstly, your friend was not alone drinkin, if you were talkin to him. Secondly, people who drink alone do not drink for the sake of drinking.

    There is always a reason behind everything that happens. People come into your life for a reason, people leave you for a reason. For instance, I met someone while I was finding parking at a recent concert that happened. It was so random that we just became friends, how? in this world of faster connectivity and social media its not that difficult to stay in touch. We have twitter, fB, bbm, etc etc…

    Everything in this life is pre-planned by a force. Many people (including me) call that force GOD, whom we believe in so much. Some people blame it on GOD sayin, WHY ME ?!?!? But the truth is if not you then who ?!?!

    We also tend to make friends, then we tend to lose them. We make them because we want to. We lose them because we want to. Had the process of being not lonely been so simple, everyone would be a happy soul with his or her set of chosen people around. But the fact is its not !

    Being happy, being hurt, being sad are all of processes GOD wants us to experience. We live in a selfish world where no one gives 4 f**ks about anyone anymore( dont know if im allowed to use the F word here) but thats the sad truth of life…

    What I’ve learnt from people and incidences is you are all by yourself at the end of the day. Being human beings we have this stupid thing called emotions, which makes us want some poeple in our lives knowing sometimes its jus not possible. We tend to sometimes go against the law of life and end up hurting ourselves and then blame it on either GOD or on people.

    Lastly, I’d like to conclude, what matters is what you want, how u want and when u want. The process has been pre planned but to get there its all upto us…

    have a good one !

    • aparajitasaxena says:

      Wow :) I agree at places with you. Other places, I altercate.
      No one *wants* to be lonely. People fall in love/depend on someone by choice. God isn’t involved here. And people leave because nothing lasts forever. We hurt ourselves because of something that happens in our life, the decision of which *WE* make. God isn’t in the picture. He neither makes the decision for us nor does he suffer for us. Whoever does, bears the blame. God is just there for people to turn to when they can’t think clearly or they need help or someone to talk to. We can’t blame him.
      You give a child beggar some money. He can either use that money to buy a loaf of bread, save it, give it to his parents or buy a cheap cigarette and smoke it away. YOU did your duty as a kind felon by giving him money that could have potentially server him in so many ways. What he does with it isn’t : A.] something you have control over
      B.] allowed to decide.
      So is it with God. He gifts us a life. What we do with it is up to us. It isn’t a two way street.
      If God was the sole controller/pre-destinator of our lives, WHY would he make someone rich and someone poor? Isn’t he also the “great equalizer”?
      People are what they do. They are what they think and implement.

      • Bkss says:

        Well, I agree with you a million % on ” NOTHING LASTS FOR EVER”…n i think we both know what i am talkin about…

        well, people come into your life for a reason, they leave you because sometimes you, youself are the reason…which is usually in my case…. they come, they meet, they leave…its a simple three part process for me…and usually the process is not too long…!!!

      • “”What he does with it isn’t : A.] something you have control over
        B.] allowed to decide. So is it with God. He gifts us a life. What we do with it is up to us. It isn’t a two way street.””


  2. Pratithi Shah says:

    Hey, I loved your blog. It did relate a lot to my life. It has some points that I can agree with, but at the same time I disagree to you at certain places.

    The friend of yours was lonely because maybe someone had left him or something. But there has to be a reason behind that loneliness. It’s our duty as a friend to figure out what was the reason of his loneliness. Even tomorrow I can say I’m lonely, but I’ll expect my friends (the one I know who will never even think of leaving my hand. There has to be one person like that in everyone’s life. It can be your mother, father, some friend or sibling) to figure the reason out. Maybe that friend of yours wanted you to figure the reason out.

    Yes, you’re right that we blame someone for our misfortunes, our misery, etc, etc… Yes, we do blame it either on a person or (mostly famous) GOD. It would really seem odd to accept our faults in “this generation”. But the reason we blame it on others is to get the peace we want in our hearts. Let’s say you accepted your fault, but then after some while/days you will get a guilty feeling. And as per as I know that feeling, it can kill anyone to death even when one breaths. To avoid this feeling people blame their own faults on others.

    Like you said, “Nothing lasts forever”. I’m sorry, I really don’t agree to this. Something’s are just meant to be so. If you lose some special person in life, that doesn’t mean that your life is over! For example: The relation between me & my family is going to last forever. Even if I deny the fact of having a relation with them. The truth will yet not change! They are my family & they will be mine till my death. No one can change some truths. If it’s something with friends then too, things do last forever. Like me and my best friend. I know things will change in the future, but why should I kill my present for my future? I would rather think about my present than my unwanted future.

    I would also like to inform to you that sometime a person does need some lonely feeling to understand the feeling he gave to someone else in life. Just like others say, “The world is round, what goes comes back to you again.” I believe it’s true, because there was once a day when I used to hurt people and I used to feel proud of that feeling. Now today some people hurt me and go, I can see that proud feeling in them.

    I would also like to say some things do happen because of the will of GOD, something’s cannot change even if we personally want to change it. I believe GOD is reason behind all our good happenings. He even gives us some bad news to teach us what life actually is about. He is our biggest teacher. He can teach you things that only enemies or friends that leave/avoid us can.

    In the end I can say, you’re right at many places, but things like this even has brought their own beliefs in it.. Judging you in my point of view would be totally wrong. That’s why I’ve written this with my own point of view and it’s not intended to hurt your feelings or views in any cases. :)
    Have a nice day! <3

    • aparajitasaxena says:

      I love it when my readers give me feedbacks. I really appreciate it :)

      What I express here are my points of view. Yes loneliness does have a reason. And people do leave.
      Personally, I believe that everyone’s born with the power to make their own destiny. What we do with our lives on earth is totally up to us. Atleast I strongly believe in karma done by me and not because of events which God wanted me to go through.
      Since He gave us the power to feel and express emotions, we feel sad, happy, lonely at times.
      I don’t believe that we encounter a sad moment in life because of Him. We face those moments in life because our actions lead us to it. Every standpoint in life is because of a turn we took-wrong or right, that’s up to our judgement.
      P.S. -Thankyou for your valuable comment. I love it :)

  3. Pratithi Shah says:

    Hey, I know I’m just outing my point of view here. I cannot actually agree with you. I believe GOD has already written what all is going to happen with us & yes, if we want than we cn really change whatever he has written, but I feel that’s not true.

    Hard work is the only way to change things. Because I’m very lazy I have lost hope before strating to try also. But you’ve a point, we do have the power to *change* our destiny.

    I would also like to add that we are lucky to have these emotions such as happy, sad, etc… Because then we wouldn’t have felt how lonely your friend might have been feeling with his drink.

    I believe that God isnt the reason of our bad days, but just of our good days & for that im very greatful to Him. I even know that my bad days are on cause like I said before “What goes around comes back around”. So I must have done something bad to someone else that today I’ve to go under such a bad periode.

    Take care… :)

    • aparajitasaxena says:

      It’s how each one looks at life (: You’re right in your very own way. It’s probably something you stick to. I believe in karma. And taking blame of my own actions, good or bad.

    • aparajitasaxena says:

      Gimme your views on the others too. Would love to hear from you (:

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